Glorious goose bumps, calls to glory

Writing my previous post, CALL & RESPONSE – remembering for others, linked me back to an “ancient” post from 05/28/15 recalling  the 2014 National Center for Creative Aging Leadership Exchange & Conference.

How is it possible the conference was less than four years ago?  So much growth, so many WOW moments over such a relatively short time!

What stands out most to me in reading the older2elder post is how much it mirrored my feelings at this past July’s IAGG 21st quadrennial World Congress – –  ” The people around me shared my passion, even if they were light years past me in experience & expertise. In 2014, my main take-away was how little I knew, compared to the rest.”  There were so many moments at 2017 IAGG’s Age Stage that left me “uplifted & inspired with fresh awe of what can be accomplished with people dealing with the challenges of dementia.

Above all – “Mostly, my memories of NCCA 2014 are impressions.  Chiefly, the impression that this was my most true calling, that I wasn’t loopy thinking there’s hope for uprooting replanting nurturing a different way of experiencing expansive LIVING than what’s too often the norm in our culture.” and–  “Most of what I remember from that first conference are impressions, the greatest being the sense that this was where I’d been drawn all of my life, where everything that happened along every step has been directed.  It was after the conference that I could see that what stretches out before me (reveals) every scrap of every experience in my life as stepping stones to this here & now.  Nothing was wasted, it all had its use.”

Okay – I’ve got goose bumps reading that last.  Recently frustrated when the astonishing Judith Sachs stunned me by remembered we met at the IAGG World Congress  –  I’d completely forgotten.  As I worried to John, “The greatest sense I took away from what should have been a life-altering six days are just impressions.  How did I blow an opportunity for so much more?! (sob)”

Then, just now, a post from eons past whooshed back memories of  my first “aging” conference & brought sweet relief – – “While I might not have written a posting about NCCA 2014 (which still seems impossible), it certainly inscribed itself across my soul.”    

Ditto the IAGG 21st World Congress.  Ditto every conference & workshop I’ve attended & taken from my Spring 2014 Omega weekend onward.  Each inscribed itself upon my soul.

The very last paragraph rings as true for my experiences at the IAGG World Congress as it did for the 2014 NCCA Conference – – “Like this year, friends made it possible for me to attend (the NCCA Conference).  Blessings on them for the opportunity to have my mind heart spirit opened in ways I can’t describe. … Goose bumps!

Yes, I feel foolish, not having remembered meeting Judith Sachs last July.  The only names that really connected are Wendy Lustbader, a woman I revered long before meeting her at the Age Stage, and Emily…  oh rats!  I forget her last name.  Names weren’t important to me at the IAGG World Congress.  I wasn’t there to collect contacts, to forge relationships, to swirl myself into a network of astounding energies.

What I described in frustration to John turns out to be my glorious truth – – I went there as an impressionist, or whatever the term is for a novice (no longer a fledgling!), open to soaking in impressions, to open my mind heart spirit in ways I can’t describe to myself, let alone to others.

Which brings me back to something I wrote in that long-ago posting:  “As for a question posed back in March 2014 – – ‘When I die, will I leave a legacy as an interesting anomaly who had a rare talent for engaging empowering energizing a few older friends?  Or will I be remembered as a catalyst for an overhauled expectation & experience of aging?’   It was after NCCA 2014 that it hit home that one thing & one thing only will determine if I am remembered as the one or the other.  Me.”

That earlier self pulled no punches placing responsibility & accountability for being “remembered as a catalyst for an overhauled expectation & experience of aging” fully on future ME’s shoulders.

Dear Past Self – I have not let you down.  Am continuing the good fight, am making my first dents, will never set down your torch.  And, having read you, am filled with a sense of joy hope exaltation that coming away from the IAGG World Congress with “only” impressions of all I’d seen felt heard was precisely the starting point I needed.

Three cheers for unpredictable online ramblings that drew me to a glorious past self speaking a present truth to light the way for my future success thanks to now actions!  For impressions that shimmer & glow as they illuminate inspire enflame.  And for glorious goose bumps that recognize, without words, greatness yet to come.


Anne Bastings – imagination over memory

One of my greatest WOW! moments last year happened at the National Center for Creative Aging Conference & Leadership Exchange, when I was seated next to ANNE BASTING, someone I’ve personally known (thanks to NCCA!) for three years, when Jennie Smith-Peers announced to an ecstatic throng that Anne had just been announced as a MacArthur Fellow, recognizing honoring nurturing her work developing TIMESLIPS.

My gosh – what were the odds that announcement could be MADE at the conference ~or~ that I’d have just been catching up with Anne on what was happening in our lives?!

Anne is amazing.  I originally met her at my 1st (and THE 1st) NCCA Conference in 2014, where she opened my eyes to the wisdom of  connecting with oldsters elders ancients through their unbounded imagination rather than the often dispiriting attempts to dredge up hard-to-recall memories.  I recall, at both the 2015 & 2016 conferences, the rush of joy that swept through me on my first glimpse of Anne.

In this month of gratitude, how wondrous to listen to Anne, to feel blessed to have even a teeny tiny connection to her, to have growing connections with the incredible spirits of NCCA, of Positive Aging, of Leading to Well-Being, of the International Association of Gerontology & Geriatrics , of the Radical Aging Movement, of Aging 2.0.

Think global, act local!  My personal goal is to share Anne’s TED Talk with the remarkable people in my little hometown who make a huge difference in the lives of the people with whom they care partner, both older friends & youngers who need a little or a lot of support.  Imagining a circle of families friends professionals tapping into limitless imagination rather than time-stamped memories.  It’s been three years already – get going, girl!

Anne Basting – a master of creating moments of joy, of transforming others into masters.  An inspiration & butt kicker.


Je ne regrette rien

Je ne regrette rien.

Gosh, for DECADES – since French 101 with Margaret York – I’ve looked for a reason to quote the Little Sparrow.  Finally, I do!

For the second time over the past sixteen years, John & I are running on financial fumes, with any number of interesting possibilities hanging over our head.

Looking at our money in/money out last year compared to this & wonder – should we have done things differently?

Last year, we paid off our 2015’s tax obligations & 2016’s home costs & life expenses & $$ dental work AND underwrote my taking a January memoir writing workshop at Rowe Conference Center, the Leading to Well-Being Conference in the spring, the mid-summer Positive Aging Conference -and- the early fall National Center for Creative Aging Conference.

Do I regret shelling out the serious big bucks for those moments; would it have been wiser to store up our dollars like so many nuts against a potential income freeze?

Non, non et non!

It wasn’t that we believed 2016 marked our return to Summer 2001 prosperity.  Hoped – naturally.  But we know that having an older client base makes long-term projecting impossible.

Would we have set aside the funds for any one of the four “splurges” to boost 2017’s dearth of dollars?  Non!  Our attitude was that the return made from my attending each of those was significant enough to outweigh any other consideration.  That whatever hard financial times might crop up in the future, the forever benefits of what could & did come from each far outweighed any potential dire dilemmas.

AND WE WERE RIGHT!  We could be tossed on the street come Jan 2018, kept warm by a kaboodle of cats, but what was gained by me & indirectly by John was worth even that prospect.  It could turn out that being literally show our own door could be the genesis of a great book, leading to lecture tours & our own joint TED talk.

Because each of those events, from NW Mass to D.C. (2!). to northern VA revealed a new level of me to ME ~and~ I was old enough to hear see appreciate & APPLY what I heard saw appreciated.

That last – applying what I’d learned, experienced – was worth every penny spent & way more.  Applying what’s known & ostensibly understood was/is where my family went/goes horribly awry.

Enter to learn.  Go forth to serve.”    “Courage of the deed.  Grace for the doing.

The motto of  Lower Merion High School came into my life in my late teens.  A friend introduced me to the second, Shipley’s motto, just yesterday at Be Well.

It’s a 6-minute, 2.6 mile drive between the two schools, but they are forever connected in my heart. Neither is what I saw reflected in my surviving family, but their truth is clearly shouted out & LIVED by the dearest family of my heart.

With Mom, Peter & Mim, what mattered most was what you PLANNED to do, not what you completed.  As Mim explained it more than once to me & (sadly) lived, to keep the image of what could be accomplished at its greatest, leave it forever inviolate in your imagination, unsullied with the grunge work that would turn it into reality but forever less than imagining.

It speaks volumes, at least to me, that my keenest memory of the most awesome friends any human could have is of Dave stripping & refinishing a bureau for his unborn 1st child’s bedroom.  Stronger even than “Mom” Z teaching me how to play Yahtzee or Mark trying to say Chubby Bunny through a mouth stuffed with golden-toasted extra large marshmallows.  It gave the young dad-to-be such pleasure to be taking each step toward completion – small wonder it’s seared into my heart, personifying as it does courage for the deed, grace for the doing.

It took one Omega workshop, three Leading to Well-Being Conferences, two NCCA Conferences, one Rowe workshop, one Positive Aging Conference & the 2017 International Association of Gerontology & Geriatrics (IAGG) World Congress to get me to the point where it’s possible to realize that my CORE problem, the thing I didn’t see in my life even when Dad was alive was the basic understanding that end of any process is COMPLETING it.  If I was to go back in time & share that interesting factoid with my elementary & high school teachers, they’d look struck with a Eureka! moment, smack their desks & exclaim, ‘THAT explains her!

Regrets for shelling out the event, transportation, lodging meal costs, from $$ for the first two NCCA conferences (stayed with friends outside DC) to the $$$$$$ IAGG in SF?  Encore – non.  We could lose our place, but it pales in comparison to finally finding mine, after a 40+ year search.  We could be car-less by 12/01/17 if Gibbs doesn’t pass 11/17 inspection (don’t count him out – he has 1444,000 miles on his odometer & packing tape sealing cracks on the front passenger window, but he is stout-hearted & true),  but if are, will consider it an exercise in character building.

If we lost everything – which we hope won’t happen, but could – it would be nothing compared to all we’ve gained from investing in my conference/workshop bops.

Omega 2014* ? $$$.

NCCA Conference 2015** & 2016*** ?  $$$$.

2017 IAGG World Congress* ?  $$$$$$$.

The cost of finally feeling grounded in a sense of BEing wholly human, a mega step toward seeing feeling experiencing the divine in all?  PRICELESS.

Is that truly worth financial fumes?  Oui!


*Underwritten by friends      **Costs split between friends & myself          ***WE underwrote


Goosebumps – NCCA

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NCCA – the National Center for Creative Aging.  I have no memory of how the NCCA first came into my life, how I came up with the cockamamie idea that it made sense for me – at that time virtually penniless – to go to the first NCCA Conference & Leadership Exchange in D.C., but the monies were raised for the conference & transportation costs, lodgings (with friends, outside D.C., in what turned out to be challenging to access Herndon VA) was arranged, and down I went.

Will never forget sitting in the intimate, circle-in-the-round auditorium in  the Arena Stage performance space, of having it hit me for the first time that the NCCA was based 4-square on the work of Gene Cohen, a man whose book, The Creative Age, drop kicked me into seeing the WHY for the vibrant oldsters elders ancients all around me in our little hometown.

Had I researched the conference at all online, it would have been OBVIOUS,  but I apparently went down, flying blind.

So, why did I go, if I didn’t even take a moment to check out the conference schedule? I arrived with a vague idea of where the main event would take place, virtually no understanding of where the pre-conference workshop I’d signed up for was happening, basically no knowledge of what was happening.  Mind you, I got my first smart phone (yes, in 2014) immediately before it so I’d have Internet access;  alas, I hadn’t a clue how to use it, had to keep asking smartly dressed young people bustling along the sidewalks for their aid with Mapquest.

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Long walks – those I remember.  Not having a clue of the shortest route from one spot to the next.  Hadn’t thought to get familiar with the area, to actually map out where event locations, to look over the schedule.

Had never been to a conference before.  The first time I saw the program was looking at the registration materials, the day AFTER the wonderful pre-conference workshop.

My most vivid memory of the entire conference was hearing Wendy Miller introduced, realizing she was Gene’s widow, having it HIT me right between the eyes – – DUH!  ‘Creative Aging: Exploring Potential in the Second Half of Life’ screamed Gene Cohen & yet I’d missed it!!

What made me think about goosebumps I’ll forever remember?  Dipping back into the wondrous book given to all conference attendees – Creativity Matters: The Arts & Aging Toolkit.

Confession time –  Gene’s book, The Creative Age, no longer sits next to The Mature Mind on my bookshelf – lent it to someone who never returned it.  That fate will NEVER happen to Creativity Matters,  because it will NEVER leave my possession!

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Talk about goosebumps – that priceless book continues to astound me.  It is packed with priceless information & inspiration ~  looking at how creativity nurtures an abundant older age, at the value of incorporating the arts into our  life, of the profound advantage of senior centers & residences, adult-day care programs & long-term care facilities, of families & friends in seeking, offering participatory arts programs that go beyond the “arts & crafts” that so often seem the norm.  To REACH &, in reaching, to satisfy.

It was in 2014 – at the pre-conference workshop? – that I first heard “Like” (Elizabeth) Lokon, director & founder of Opening Minds Through Art, explain that with older people, especially ones facing the challenges of cognitive impairment, “simple is complex, complex is simple” – trying to to duplicate an actual image was a struggle, frustrating, but to create a beautiful abstract painting looked difficult but was simple.

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Which brings us to last month’s IAGG World Congress & the wondrous talk by Marilyn Raichle, who spoke about the enjoyment that her mother – who has Alzheimer’s – drew from painting.  Although the subjects were defined, the delightful images her mother created were deliciously abstract, showcasing the processing from the delineated start to what showed up on the page.

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Which takes me to feeling sad.  Sad that I never asked for one of of the beautiful paintings that Anne Davis Hyatt created over her closing eight years.  Like Marilyn’s mother, from one moment to the next Anne could not remember the day or the date, but she did paint evocative hillsides & rivers & skies capturing her wonder & love of the sense of it all.

That’s what I learned from the NCCA, why I continue to get goosebumps remembering that I haven’t the vaguest recollection of how we first connected – – it shouts from the rooftops the importance of helping people of all ages stay anchored in the glorious sense of living, that the arts, from painting to poetry & performance & beyond, open the way & present a path to doing what I aim to provide for all my own clients friends family – living as expansively, as fully themselves, as possible in any given moment, feeling the thrill of goosebumps at the joy of it all.

The Play’s The Thing

Human beings need play the way they need vitamins.  ~ lionel tiger ~

Spend the day with a typical older person living in even one of the better “senior lifestyle residences” & notice if any semblance of spontaneous, unstructured PLAY is part of his or her experience.

Too often, not much, if any.

The greatest source of playful interaction & connection is typically mealtime, where – if she’s lucky (and the vast majority of residents are women) – she’s part of a regular circle of friends sharing lunch & laughs.  Alas, such “breakfast brigades” & “lunch bunches” are far from the norm & many of the ones that meet every day focus on aches pains problems rather than providing lively & expansive back & forth.  Even the best are haunted by the specter of alteration by debilitation & death.

Typically, the more high-end a senior residence, the more choices there are for playful interaction, from year ’round swimming to fair weather golfing, dancing & bridge & the performing arts (as participant or audience). But how many of residents actually take part in those activities?  And if they want to participate, who helps makes sure they get to & from them?  Personal care in even the best facilities can fall prey to being top quality maintenance rather than continual enrichment, however well-meaning & best-intentioned its goals.

Top of the scale, Ma!   Everyone on the face of the planet needs a steady diet of laughter-lobbing play, play that gets the energies flowing, the heart pitter pattering, that deepens old ties & forges new ones.

I think of a young family who swiped my heart this past spring when I helped with the youngest while their mother finished up her degree work at a local college.  Those children –  & parents & grandparents – breathe play into everything they do, bring a sense of adventure & the unknown into all aspects of their lives.

That family sits atop the high end of my playfulness scale.  Don’t look to me to describe the sorry folks of all ages who slide down the scale to the very end.  My True North purpose is to duplicate/modify best practices, then upgrade, even transform lives.  Think Galileo, Pasteur, the Wright brothers, Robert Goddard – each was considered a crackpot or kook & look at all they accomplished, the paths they opened that others have traveled.  Boys – move over & make room for me.

When I look at that wondrous play-filled family that scampered off with my heart, I see children & parents who know their boundaries, who have chores, who place expectations on each other.  They live work play within a creative structure.  How can we create a structure where older people could value & access more play?

Alas, when people think about play, they tend to limit it to children.  Back in February 2008, the NY Times Magazine’s ran a cover story on play – spinning off a presentation by Stuart Brown & Krista Tippett at the NY Public Library discussing its biological & spiritual roots.  But four months later, in a wildly popular TED talk, Stuart (I like to think of myself as friends awaiting an introduction) pointed out that the cover didn’t show a single adult at play, only children.  They’d missed the point of his work – that play is as needed in adulthood as it is when we are in our single digits, teens, twenties.  In my experience, it is as important as fresh air & good nutrition for a happy, healthy life.

Background – seventeen years ago, I expected that 2017 would find me easing out of my corporate career.  I had an exceptional run & quite a few professional accolades & honors, including 2000 Employee of the Year.  Then, in late summer/early autumn 2001, it became clear the Universe had WAY different plans for me.  But it wasn’t until I crossed paths with Anne Davis Hyatt that I got the first aha about my True North life purpose.

Kent, Anne’s best beloved, died after a stroke, in his late 80s.  She was suddenly solo.  And depressed.   Oh, and been recently diagnosed with dementia.

Anne’s family gathered together, discussed the situation, then checked out best next steps.  Their conclusion – infuse Mom with play activities, with a variety of play mates.  They brought me on for rambles & restaurant runs; Tamar to scoot Anne back to her beloved little hometown for visits with family & friends, pal up with her for weekly painting classes, play the piano & read aloud; and, always, Anne’s children were there for numerous regular weekly visits, after-church Sunday dinner & Sunday supper.

In the 7+ years Anne was our client, I don’t recall a single serious illness, nor a hospitalization.  The healthy dose of social interaction every day played out in a strong spirit housed in a declining body.  She was out & about doing things right up to the day she fell in her apartment.  This was a woman whose dementia had progressed to the point where she could not remember from moment to moment the day let alone the date, but no one – NO ONE – was more primed for the next great FUN moment.  Anne would frame the sunset with her hands, saying, “I don’t remember what they’re called (the sky, clouds, sun, trees & fields), but aren’t they BEAUTIFUL?!”  Imagine if she had been left, as the vast majority of seriously older people are, without an infusion of play into her day?

Play’s the thing!   For now, Anne – like my mother – would be considered an outlier.  Praise be, I have spent my life surrounded by older people whom others would consider similar fabuolous outliers!  My goal is to help turn that around so that the qualities that hallmarked their lives are considered the norm rather than a happy aberration.

Ten years ago, even 7+ years ago when I first started chumming around with Anne, that goal might have seemed unimaginable.  Today, it’s more & more can-do, with remarkable individuals groups organizations coalescing to turn around our current culture’s woeful attitudes around & expectations of aging upward.

It speaks volumes that next week’s International Association for Gerontology & Geriatrics (IAGG) World Congress will, for the first time (!), feature as one of its official venues, The Age Stage.  It’s HUGE, that such an august body recognizes the importance & power of creativity, a cornerstone of play, in aging upward.

The Age Stage is a physical reminder that “the play is the thing.”

Four years ago, I discovered that the National Center for Creative Aging is rooted in the findings of Gene Cohen, a “book mentor” of mine for many years who died far too young in 2009.  So much has changed since the years where Medicare allocated a laughable (not in a good way) $250 a year for mental health. Gene fought to get that increased, fought for oldsters elders ancients to be considered deserving of good mental health, whether a kid of 65 or a 95+ grey head.  Just as most people accept the various ages of life, Gene believed that older age has its own stages – reevaluation, liberation, summation & encore.

I will be thinking of those stages – and reveling at my liberation – throughout the IAGG World Congress, blessed to be who I am with the background I’ve gathered (or been gathered for me), at this age, in this era, at this time, in this place.

Next week, the IAGG will give space & time to showcase the importance of aging creatively.  Give me a little time & watch me win them over to giving play its due!


Gene D. Cohen – forever in my heart

Will never forget the moment at my first (the first) National Center for Creative Aging Leadership Conference & Exchange when it hit me like a lightning bolt that the NCCA is the child of the great Gene D. Cohen, MD – a man I never met & who changed my life for all time.

There is not date inscribed in my copy of Creative Awakenings ~ awakening human potential in the second half of life  to clue me into when I first came across it ~ my guess is it was well after its 2000 publication date, probably several years after Mom’s 2001 death.  I remember buying it, then not reading it for several more years, so my best guess at when I actually settled down for a read would be around 2007 – ten years ago, seven years before that first NCCA Conference, two years before Gene’s death in 2009, at a mere 65 years old.

I have even less memory of what drew me to that first NCCA Conference.  There wasn’t any buzz on it; the group was an enthusiastic circle of creatives who believed what I had come to see over two years, at that point, of working with Anne Davis Hyatt as our client – – that the arts are the key to full-throttle life experience, straight across the age spectrum & health condition.  Through many years with Anne, John & I saw real-time the impact creativity can have on squashing the heartache of dementia.  It was that new -found, present-moment awareness that lead practically penniless me to an auditorium at the Arena Stage in D.C., looking at a program that featured not a single name I knew.

When I heard one of the earliest speakers prepare to introduce Wendy Miller, no bells started ringing, no lights of recognition started flashing.  Was still, incredibly, clueless as she was described her as the wife of the late Gene Cohen.  But then Wendy started talking, opening up the umbrella in her hand with its under-canopy of clouds & sky, started sharing the work she had done with her husband, the amazing strides he’d made in a too short life & it hit me – SHAZAM!  Everything fell into glorious place – literally, it was like little threads  had been brushing past my face & magically coalesced into a beautiful shawl draped across my stunned shoulders.

Gene Cohen, first in Creative Awakenings & then The Mature Mind, expressed what I had observed over a lifetime of casual & intimate connection with the incredible oldsters elders ancients in my little hometown, particularly with my mother & her WOW! circle of friends.  It made NO sense to me that surveys typically used “65+” to cover all the ages from getting-their-first-Social Security check to centenarians, because I could see, right before me, what differences are found in the years between oldster & ancient.

Not kidding – when I realized who Wendy Miller was, that many of the strangers around me were no strangers to the work of Gene Cohen, I started to cry tears of discovery & joy.  After a lifetime of searching, I had found my tribe.

Gene Cohen looked like a larger-than-life pixie & brought a pixie’s joy of play & dusting of magic to his work as a geriatric psychiatrist.  He famously teamed up with George Burns to produce Public Service Announcements on aging!

His outlook on what my mother described as “tripping the old-ometer” upward was upbeat & optimistic – a radical departure from the too-common prognosis of aging as constant decline & deterioration devoid of any up side.   He was an early researcher into brain function in the elderly, a neglected area of study since young whippersnapper scientists assumed there wasn’t anything of interest to know about aging.

Even before baby boomers were old enough to make studies into aging financially viable, Gene was beating the drums that our brains are ravaged by diseases associated with age, not aging itself, and therefore many can be treated; that our brains are more flexible, that they are more attuned to creativity & blossom through the arts in ways few scientists or people who hold the purse strings to funding suspected.  He showed that the neurons that engage us in creative endeavors are not profoundly affected by the ravages of Alzheimer’s – they follow a different track & can be accessed when others are shut down.

How he would have loved the video of the old man who had seriously declined to a virtually non-responsive state who LIT UP on hearing music – even when the headphones were taken off, he remained responsive & connected, talking where he had been mute.  Gene would have grooved out over the story of Edward Hardy, a 93-year old jazz pianist with dementia who seemed to have given up, whose life changed due to a young activities director, also a musician, who reconnected Edward with music – and life.

There is so much I could write about Gene. It’s an honor to feature him in one of my first blog postings, since I am writing this & doing all that’s before me because of all he wrote & did.  You can expect many more blog postings ahead spotlighting this remarkable man who had every grace except that of years.

I do want to recall the most special moment from last year’s 2016 NCCA Leadership Conference & Exchange.  That first year found us in an auditorium-in-the-round at the Arena Stage; by 2015, the number of participants saw us moving to a considerably LARGER auditorium;  last year sent us to the Newseum!  I think it was the second morning of the conference that found me arriving late, having rushed so much I’d skipped breakfast at my delightful Airbnb.  What joy to discover the breakfast buffet spread was still available.  I’d picked up my bagel & fresh fruit, was pouring my cup of coffee, when I was joined by a lovely woman wearing an shawl that looked like it was spun of the sky.  Her ID showcased not her name, but the front cover of a book – Sky Above Clouds.  We talked about Gene, I shared how he was the one who woke me up to life’s calling.  Several minutes went by before it hit me ~ SHAZAM! ~ that she was Wendy Miller!  And she was talking to ME!

The short conversation & that 2nd awakened moment are with me still.  They will be with me when I head to the International Association of Gerontology & Geriatrics World Congress in less than two weeks.  They are with me always & forever.