Just not always in real time.
Yesterday’s talk at church was about turning away anger with words of love. That feels right, but – at least in my experience on both sides – can bea colossal fail.
There have been times I’ve been so burned up at John, my emotions have made mincemeat of my rationality – any attempt by him to talk me down would only have driven me farther over the edge of reason. There have been times that the most loving thing possible was to keep his counsel, saying as little & laying low. Letting me come to my senses.
I’ve had situations with my sibs where attempts to respond verbally with love have totally crashed & burned because how they hear love is different from how I express it. Still, I did my best to stay in a place of love toward them, trying not to make flummoxed, fractured matters worse. It’s a sure bet they’ve had similar experiences with me!
Mind you, there have been countless times when someone DID turn aside my own distress by showing their love & voicing interest in hearing about my argh.
My John is a master of this – not through statements, but tender inquiry. By gently asking questions, he gets the lay of the land & if its littered with emotional land mines best steered clear of at that time, then circles back later to find out what it was all about. He acts from love.
That was what I tried to share yesterday – whatever we do or do not say to try to talk someone down from a high dudgeon, staying centered in our love WILL ultimately make a difference, even if we never get to see it.
As I’ve experienced life, trying to placate an upset person with tender words of caring compassion love can go hideously wrong. Letting someone who is mightily irked at you know you love him or her might make matters worse. But always staying centered in love, always staying grounded in tender concern for the other, always circling back later to find out what was happening – that is a love language that will triumph, one almost everyone can understand appreciate accept.