Debilitating delusion

Skipping breakfast to try to get this down before heading out. It’s something I’ve been thrashing over all month; it’s a struggle to put down in writing a debilitating quirk that’s derailed my best intentions through all my years. Attempts feel like trying to put a dream into words – the images are there, but the 3-dimensional language to express them evades me.

When my best friends get an idea that’s worth their time energy resources, they pursue it until the idea becomes reality – aka until it is completed & done. Along the way, they might decide it wasn’t worth their investment, that maybe it’s best done at a different time or not at all, in which case they might set it aside. Otherwise, they dig in, buckle up & knuckle down until they checked it off their to-do list. Because they get their greatest cosmic high from COMPLETION. My psychic high is in getting the idea, not in it being DONE. And that has been my undoing. Still is.

UPDATE: Had to stop writing to take John to an early a.m. thing, then headed down to grab a cafe au lait at my beloved Be Well Cafe. While there, got into a discussion with two wildly creative friends about ideas & focus. One friend doesn’t have the whoosh of ideas that come to me & the third person. I expressed my envy at her narrow focus, observing that when ideas are plentiful, follow-through can be hampered by fresh distractions.

The third friend’s face spoke volumes before she uttered a word. What I had described is not her reality. With her, an idea that aches to come out will haunt her until she makes it happen, brings it to completion, checks it off as DONE.

With that one comment, my debility delusion went pffffft. Disappeared in a whiff of smoke, leaving not so much as a pair of witch shoes behind. But I did half expect to find a pair of ruby red slippers on my feet, the sense of sudden, sweeping insight was so strong.

Could almost hear the collective sigh of relief from the ideas banging around my brain, thrilled to FINALLY be getting what I’d never thought to give – respect & honoring.

Sheez – I started out this morning not able to find the words to describe a debilitating delusion that’s dogged my days & VOILA – am delighted to be haunted by goals awaiting their debut.  Heather did just that – her comment shook my magnolias, utterly revamped my sense of creativity & creating.  My undoing is undone.


Author: auntdeev

playfulness coach, life enthusiast & general instigator, ENTJ, cat lover

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