A lovely little death

It hit me last night that I experienced as a lovely little death the loss of the angst & ripped-apart soul that were once hallmarks of my relationship with my family.  Am hoping I experience the loss of this earthly body for something else – whatever that might be – as tenderly.

Even if there might be tough moments getting there.  And may I always be open to letting others help me, may I not grumble & feel blown off if I’m sometimes alone, handling things on my own.  Because I went through those down-in-the-depths moments getting to my HERE.  No matter what might happen in my path forward – physically mentally emotionally – may I always & forever remember my experiences with John as my Own True Love & remarkably patient fellow explorer.  Whatever my situation & circumstances might be in the years ahead, will always have the full wonder of being married to a kind soul & emotionally generous man.

It was John who helped me transition from where I was – battling to keep something that was never mine in the first place – to where I am, where things happen that once felt like a sucker’s punch to my gut & are now experienced with blessed (hard won!) equanimity, accepting that I gave it my best shot & it just was not meant to be.  No finger wagging or pointing, no placing blame or feeling recrimination toward myself or others.  Just a sweet releasing, a tender allowing things to be the way they seem in this moment.  Letting things rise up, be felt, and pass through.  And respect that others are doing the same.

It was amazing last night, snugged in bed & realizing the I’ve come to a place where I more & more let go of what I clung to for decades,  shift away from regret to restoration, release my crucified sense of self & celebrate a tiny resurrection of hope & love.  A lovely little death. 



Author: auntdeev

playfulness coach, life enthusiast & general instigator, ENTJ, cat lover

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