Certain problems have been a constant for John et moi. Well, two in particular. The first is that, since Day One, John would do ANYTHING for me… as long as it’s convenient. Hasn’t changed. The other is that he has no experience with digging down deep to know how he feels & what he’s thinking.
Those sound gosh awful, but are as much about him being a guy as they are about being clueless. Guys aren’t raised to go out of their way for others, especially for women. And they aren’t expected to be deep or aware of how others are feeling – – forget about proactively thinking about how they’re feeling. In our case, a man raised in the heart of the ’50s had the misfortune to marry a gal who graduated in 1970, the heart of the ’60s.
I take that back – he had the good luck to marry that woman. Because what he needs to do in order for us to be as outrageously AWESOME as The Universe clearly intends means he has to work with someone who’s been through the rigmarole of figuring out how to do things CONSCIOUSLY, how to know what’s important & what’s not, what’s worth doing & what’s worth a pass – not in anyone else’s mind but his own.
That’s old hat to me. Been there, went through that. And here’s the super sweet kicker – – I was able to do it because my John loved me. When I looked at him, I saw myself reflected back. Me.
Okay, I was also able to do that work because amazing people wrote books & articles & made cds & did PBS shows JUST when the time was right for me. But they wouldn’t have mattered without him as my wondrous trigger.
So, I can do what I can to help John be able to move past his convenience block & his lack of personal awareness – – if he wants. Doesn’t matter what I can do if it’s ho hum to him. And that has to be okay with me.
And it doesn’t matter WHAT he decides or does or decides to not do. Because I – Elsa Beth Lockhart Murphy, aka DEEV – wouldn’t be here in the waaaay better shape I am if JOHN hadn’t been right there, right as he is, right beside me.