Snow ball in autumn

Forty-one years ago, I knew in my bones that how I felt – in my body skin soul – was NOT how I was meant to feel.  And there’s no way I can explain how I knew it.  Just did.  Forty-one years ago, it was clear that how my life is now is what it was created to be.  Happy, fulfilled, of use.

My challenge, which I knew without being able to put words to it, was just that – I totally lack any sense of the language to describe my deepest desires & greatest beliefs.  Turns out, wasn’t just that I didn’t have the language to describe life unfolding around & within me; I did have words – they were the WRONG words.  They were opposite from my reality.

It is weird to have what looks like a life with a degree of recognition – at US HealthCare, at Prudential HealthCare, at BISYS Financial Services, at Delaware Valley High School, even to a certain degree at Bryn Athyn Church School – & know that success was stumbled into, rather than strategized.  Back then – up until a year or so ago – I wasn’t capable of taking strategic action – I had the desire, but lacked the basic tools, the core infrastructure on which to build INTENTIONAL success.

Even the conferences & workshops I’ve attended over the past 3+ years – it was instinct, not any great thought process, that lead me to going to each.  I trusted my intuition, which did not steer me wrong.  Not in the events I attended from 2014-16, not in the ones I skipped last year to focus available resources on an event that made no sense for me to attend – the International Association of Gerontology & Geriatrics 21st Quadrennial World Congress (IAGG).  Felt like the right thing to do, in spite of the distance/time/expense – and it was!

It was all instinct, intuition.  Until around noon on 07/27/17, as the conference was breaking up.  Literally.  As I sat at one of the tall tables, grabbing one last gab with a new friend, crews were taking it all down, getting ready to prep for the next Moscone Center event.  Elizabeth & I were comparing our feelings about the end of the conference – for the first time, it hit me that, unlike the previous events, instead of feeling changed, transformed in some new way, I simply felt WHOLE, myself.

Since the conference, I found Bert & John Jacobs’ Life Is Good.  Through that book, simply written from tender hearts in a uniquely them colloquial style, I found Steve Gross.  Through Steve, I found my/our (John & mine) truest True North calling.

On 10/24,  I wrote to Steve, asking for names of organizations adapting the techniques he’s developed as a joyologist to infuse fun & glee into every possible nook & cranny of the too-often stressed-out lives of children with acute or chronic trauma, their loved ones, care partners, staffs of care facilities.

Write & it shall be given.  I have not heard from Steve, but related energies were clearly released, because on 10/26 I discovered that Jolene Brackey was actually venturing outside the MidWest to the East Coast (RARE!) & was giving the opening keynote address at the Northern Virginia Dementia Care Consortium’s 11/10/17 Caregiver Conference south of Alexandria, VA.  Theme & her presentation – Creating Moments of Joy!  And through Jolene I connected with Ron Culberson, whose book Do It Well. Make It Fun basically recaps in simple, easy-to-follow language, the gist of my decades long quest.

Looking at how my life has snow balled over the past twenty days leaves me breathless.  Learning about Bert & John’s reason for working & functioning as a company, about Steve’s work with the Life Is Good Kids Foundation switched my internal life-scanning mechanism from instinctive to intentional.

Am 65+ & my days are finally targeted (!) at a specific end – how to evolve two playfulness coaches to joyologists, finding ways & means of infusing small moments of fun & glee into every possible nook & crannie of the lives of oldsters elders ancients, their loved ones, care partners & staffs at care facilities, from continuous care retirement communities to own-home settings, from mature adult day care to nursing homes.

And I feel the JOY that I knew at twenty-four was the way I – we – am created to feel.  Unbridled, heart-felt, wildly grateful JOY!  It comes with the coolest, deja vu-ish sense of home coming, like I felt this before, which is why I knew things weren’t right all those years ago, but has somehow gotten off track.  A been-there, felt-that feeling that releases me to see that my family WAS functional ’cause life IS funky, weird & massively confusing; that the qualities that left me awash in arrrggghhhh were the very ones that evolved into a great & grand never-ending source of enlightenment, refreshed awareness, ultimately – that word again – JOY!

Took me forty-one years to say, but here goes – enough with the reading to figure out who I am & what I’m here to DO.  Time to get cracking with doing it, with knuckling down & figuring out just what a playfulness coach does & giving it form, function.  It starts with FINISHING what I started – making Cyber Access for the Technically Timid (CATT) more than a clever business card, contact The Foundation for a Better Life about REALLY developing my Values Visions Dreams project (a build off dream management).

Golly – this is how it feels to finally be set upside right, to have the words to get from Point A to Point B & so on.  Some might find that dull.  I find it the very basis of defining what calls to be done, then doing it.  Radical stuff – or so it would have been to me, forty-one years ago, taught as I was to shun the standard as “bourgeoisie,” painfully plodding.  Yeah, baby – bring it on!

GASP!  The gal who once feared goal-setting because it guaranteed I’d never meet them is settin’ herself  time-specific tasks.

First up – get back on track. I know what works in my life & what doesn’t.  Be intentional.  The magical transformation spell begins with s-p-e-l-l-i-n-g it out, then following through to getting it DONE.

How well will I do on this first GOAL?  Will check back next week & let y’all know!

Loving how this feels, snow balling in today’s 75 degrees (F) temps!!

Author: auntdeev

playfulness coach, life enthusiast & general instigator, ENTJ, cat lover

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