In which I freely confess to being an IDIOT

In 2 1/2 months since the close of the IAGG, John & I have seen amazing shifts in our lives.  For the first time, we regularly attend a church service where we both feel completely at rest.

As often as we can ease the money out of our on-life-support budget, we do weekly yoga with delightful young woman at Pura Vida; if we can free the $$, we head almost next door to  Be Well (Pura Vida occupies the sacred space that was Be Well’s first home, before they leap frogged the dry cleaner to double their space) for refreshing, cleansing Bee Stings.

We attend a Mutual Support Group (MSG) with a wondrous circle of others, sitting in a small round stone building that seems to cradle us.

We do Full Moon drumming – which opened up unexpected worlds for John – and are part of a 5-week “small group” considering forgiveness, a program offered by the church where I was baptized & confirmed, where we were betrothed & married.

We walk every night before I head off to bed & have started walking the Pennypack Trail close to every day.

All new in the past 10 weeks.

There has been just one downer in all these amazing evolutions.  The reason for MSG, the small group discussions & even Full Moon drumming is to have a spiritual experience, to gain a deeper understanding about something.  Yet whenever it’s John’s turn to share something that manifests itself as abundance in his life (Harvest Moon) or something he is seeking (which was also the Hunter Moon) or to share his sense of forgiving, all he ever gives is a variation of “This is a wonderful group & I am happy to be part of it.

Last night, I snapped.  Where everyone else shared something related to Len’s questions or opted to pass, my Keet spoke – enthusiastically – every time about being happy to be there.  While it racked & raked my soul, everyone else seemed charmed at this totally-off-topic comments.

The story I was telling myself was that he’s having problems with memory, not able to process what Len or Solomon or Tirah are asking.  My mind went to doctor visits, to cognitive testing.  Because my O! Best Beloved seemed unable to process a simple request & tag it with a proper response.

Praise be for taking our pre-slumbers perambulation, which was when the blazing light hit that I was a mega idiot ~ ~  I go to MSG, to the Forgiveness group, to Full Moon drumming for the opportunity to ponder & reflect; John goes for the same reason he loves Fire Pit Fridays with friends & loves our playfulness work with older friends – he is a people person who had been going DAYS on end with just me & the cats for connection.  He loves the socializing.

Introspection, reflection, new-found awareness – those are not John.  He is basically comfortable in his skin, with good reason – he is a tender-hearted being with a predisposition for kindness paired with a fair-minded nature.

Okay, so this is actually a confession about having BEEN an idiot, because I am now wise to what’s up & blissfully blessed to have such a remarkable man as my hubster.

And I understand the looks I saw on the fire-lit faces last night around the drumming circle – they felt his wonder, his appreciation & his delight in being part of their greater whole.

My John knows himself & is okay with what is.  Which brings me to this idiot’s delight at being his Budge-a-Mate.  “He didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and just let me watch him do it.”  A true life mentor who happens to be my own true love.

quote is from Clarence Budington Kelland  

Author: auntdeev

playfulness coach, life enthusiast & general instigator, ENTJ, cat lover

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