Real time

My thanks to a wildly abundant Universe for bringing distant issues back front & center, real time.

Issues that had fuzzed with time came roaring back into clarity, giving me – all of us – the priceless opportunity to respond differently than in the past.  An unexpected opening into a new reality that I never imagined, not in my wildest dreams.

I am tangibly feeling my mother’s loving support today, when I really need it.  Was it just two days ago that I came across an ancient e-mail she’d sent to one of her devoted dist lists (this was pre blogging) about a communications problem that was causing grief?  Wow.  Amazing timing.

Mom talked about my dancing on the edge of a breakdown three years earlier due to our extreme communications differences.  I tend to take issues head on, while Mom would sidestep processing the situation, avoiding the discomfort of  moving from one viewpoint to a new one.  She was right – our communication styles offered neither common ground nor mutual acceptance.

That is at the heart of my distress at seeing Mike & Kerry this morning, dropped apparently out of the blue at the Bryn Athyn Bounty Farm Market.  It was so sudden, so separated from the reality of them having nothing to do with me;  Mike’s affable “Hail, fellow, well met” greeting hung there in stark contrast to their expressed (many times) opinion of me.

No idea about Mike, but – to the best of my knowledge –  there might never have been a time that Kerry felt safe with me.  In the early 1970s, she described feeling so uncomfortable in my rude presence that my entering a room made her want to immediately leave.  In 1997, she said I was the most psychotic person she’d ever encountered, including in her counseling practice. No word from her or Mike after Mim died or after her memorial service.  Over all these years, Kerry has given any indication, at least to me, that she feels any different today than she did 40+ years ago.  That being so, WHY would she want to get together with ME for breakfast on Monday?  I wouldn’t think less of her or Mike for it.  No one should voluntarily put themselves in a position where they feel unsafe.  That’s just common sense.

This is an amazing real time lesson of exactly what I mean by honoring others.  I accept that the way I am appears to distress Kerry.  I accept that she & Mike, both of whom I’ve experienced as unsafe, threw me for a distressed loop showing up at one of my safest places on the planet.  I accept that they expected me to be thrilled at seeing them.  I accept feeling floored they’d been here since Wednesday without contacting us.

THIS is what I meant by honoring.  Look at this jumble of mismatched expectations & assumptions – is it any wonder we explode when combined?  Respect that our communication styles almost guarantee we’re going to mess up.   Wishing will not get them to change;  the only way to get change is to get through, which I don’t see happening soon.  Don’t stress,  allow.  Let our natures be their real selves,  real time.

And steer clear – think Altoids & Coca Cola, each fine on their own, but combine & KABOOM! 

Author: auntdeev

playfulness coach, life enthusiast & general instigator, ENTJ, cat lover

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