Awareness & “Let It Go”

Ten days ago, I realized the power of having a song of the month, one I listened to first thing in the morning. Had a hunch it would pack some pow, but it was frankly just a whim rather than something I’d thought through.  If other songs are as spirit-moving & action-spurring as LET IT GO has been in less than two weeks, am in for some great song-birthed moments.

True, I picked Let It Go because it’s clearly laden with messages that spoke deeply to me.  But the more I’ve come to know the song & the stories around it, the more it went way beyond its original empowerment message.

In the wee small hours of this morning, I had the pleasure of writing yesterday’s night capper on an AARP psa honoring family care partners.  Remembering special moments with Mom put her very much on my mind as I headed back to bed.  This morning, woke up with a mega aha that, all at once, clarified & humbled & broke my heart.

Mom remembered with pride her rising senior summer – 1927.  She went to a private high school outside of Philadelphia, but the family lived in Baltimore.  She’d always felt overweight & determined that she was going to trim down in time for her senior year. It was easy that summer to have healthy food & small portions because she was in charge of the household, as her mother had stepped into her father’s work managing a wealthy family’s estate (her father’s heart condition was deteriorating).

When Mom went back to school, she stunned her classmates with her WOW looks.  She set a goal, worked out a plan, turned challenging circumstances to her advantage & basked in the admiration.  Her senior year would be marked with great sadness, as her adored father continued to decline, but her personal triumph helped give her the strength to meet new challenges no teen should have to face.

Less than a year after her graduation, my grandfather died.  1927 saw Mom taking control of her life; 1929 saw it fall apart.

A friend of mine finds it somewhat funky that I have fresh insights into my parents long after their deaths.  Frozen’s Elsa was spot on in saying, “It’s funny how some distance makes everything look small.”  She didn’t mean small as in size, but as in perspective.  In her case, it was the distance from Arendell to her mountain castle;  in mine, it was time.

I’ve found that distance makes fresh insights more accessible.  Like waking up with the heart-ripping awareness of the short time between Mom’s spirit-zooming accomplishment, the crash & burn of her father’s death & the falling apart of her life as she moved with her mother & younger sister into the Philadelphia home of her strict Methodist maternal grandfather.  An awareness & new appreciation that probably came due to writing hours earlier about about the breadth of her life, from jump roping little girl to life-leaving ancient.  It’s something that I first experienced with Mom writing her Mindwalker1910 e-mail musings ~ how many times something she wrote opened her up to new insights about long past people moments memories.

Which brings me – with thanks to Disney – to wondering what other insights & ahas will be opened thanks to Let It Go.

Mom avoided the very new discoveries that I actively seek.  She feared the cold clench on her heart as the fresh knowledge hurt before it informed, much as I felt almost struck down with grief realizing how shattering it must have been to go from such a height to such an unfathomable loss.  The very deep chill that she did anything to avoid is the very thing I’ve always welcomed – that cold never bothered me anyway.

Holding Mom – the older woman & the heart-wrenched teen – in my arms.

 

LET  IT  GO – Robert Lopez / Kristen Anderson-Lopez / Emanuel Kiriakou

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen.
A kingdom of isolation,
and it looks like I’m the Queen
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn’t keep it in;
Heaven knows I’ve tried
Don’t let them in,
don’t let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel,
don’t let them know
Well now they know
Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don’t care
what they’re going to say
Let the storm rage on.
The cold never bothered me anyway
It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all
It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me,
I’m free!
Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You’ll never see me cry
Here I stand
And here I’ll stay
Let the storm rage on
My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I’m never going back, the past is in the past
Let it go, let it go
And I’ll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway!

Author: auntdeev

playfulness coach, life enthusiast & general instigator, ENTJ, cat lover

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